Finality

If any of you remember the beginnings of this blog (back when it was still named Not in Nottingham), you'll recall that it started out as me trying to get over a really, really nasty breakup. 

I'm happy to say that I have moved on. Completely. In fact, I've done something that has absolutely sealed the finality of this, something symbolic.

I've burned everything.

 Please, let me explain before you go all, "WHAT?!" on me. I had all of my ex's stuff sitting in a box on my dresser. Letters and pictures. (And wrapping paper from my present last Christmas.) The only thing this boy ever "gave" me (and even then he did it grudgingly!) was five books. Four for my birthday, and one for Christmas. He wrote me two letters from BCT, I wrote him over 400 pages.

He had given me his bandanna for my birthday as well, so maybe we'll count that. Anyways, I decided it was time to burn that stuff. My boyfriend offered to add stuff to the pile. (You can see it to the left.) I ripped apart all the pictures (I tore them between my ex and me) and laid out all the letters nice and neat on the bandanna. Matt got an Build a Bear certificate to light the fire.



You're probably thinking, "Why did she do this? Why did she burn all this stuff?" It's not like he ever gave me anything fancy. He gave me some friendly letters; that's it. He didn't get me anything for Valentine's last year (even though he said he'd send me a love letter, he didn't do that, claiming "it got lost in the mail"), he never gave me any jewelry or anything like that; he simply existed. He was a thought. And how do you get rid of thoughts?

You burn them.

And so that's what we did last week. I had gathered up everything (including the mask I had received at his prom, which was masquerade-themed) and wrapped them in his bandanna. Matt got a pot his ex-roomate had left behind (he had not left on good terms), and we dropped the stuff inside.

Matt picked up his certificate and used it to set the stuff aflame, then fed it with some hairspray. 

It was glorious.

It burned and burned, and left me with nothing but ashes where this jackwagon had been in my life. There is absolutely nothing keeping me from loving Matt with all of my heart. He treats me with dignity and respect, and actually believes that I have feelings.

I never knew that love could be so fulfilling, so complete. 

And now I'm free to enjoy that love. There is nothing holding me back.

I am free.

(Also, Let It Go was the soundtrack to writing this post. It fits. It fits so well.)