Clubhouse

If you were expecting a story about some kind of rude encounter I've had recently, I'm sorry to say that you're out of luck. Most of the customers (sorry; we're supposed to call them "guests") that I've handled recently have been really, really nice.

Since I'll only be working weekends for the next few months (unless there's a DIRE emergency), I think I'm going to take a few weeks and talk solely about the different areas of TreeTop:

• Clubhouse
• Jumpies
• Water Wars
• Laser Tag
• Prize Center
• Café
• Cashier
• Party Captain

There are a few other positions, such as "Go Karts," "Arcade Tech," and "Party Assistant," but those are jobs that I have never done. (Actually, I've done Party Assistant twice, but it's been a long time. And it's an easy thing to do. I'm sure you can figure out what it is by the name alone, eh?)

This week, my topic is The Clubhouse. 

Now, Clubhouse is a giant indoor playplace, like something you'd find at McDonald's or Chick-fil-a. It's three stories tall, has a giant twisty slide, and costs $5.74 to get in. (I think. Or it's $6.53 to get in, and like $5.93 for the VIPs? I'll have to fact-check on Thursday when I go in.)

There are a lot of people who come into Clubhouse thinking that they don't have to pay. I mean, there's a gate, there's a scanner, and there's an attendant there at all times. (Most people hate running Clubhouse because there's nothing to "do." I bring a book or a bunch of paper and sit and read/write the entire time. It's easy.) We're a business; it's going to cost money to get into the Clubhouse! It's counted as an attraction, for Pete's sake, if you even bothered to read the signboards when you came into the business!

Then you have the parents that think we're a free babysitting service. I can't TELL YOU how many times I've had to desperately hold kids up and pray that their parents are nearby, so the kids can point them out to me. I, personally, have a rule that I will NOT let anybody under the age of eight out of the gate unless they can point out their parents to me. I don't want to be responsible for a four-year-old getting kidnapped. Sometimes the parents come back, furious that I haven't let their kids come to them when "they've obviously been waiting." Um, excuse me, ma'am, but you've been out riding GoKarts and playing Mini Golf (or Putt Putt, if you want to call it that), and you've completely forgotten your children. I've been trying to keep them calm so that they don't upset the rest of them. I'm not going to endanger kids because you think I'm a babysitter.

Then there are the parents that love that I don't let kids out without making them point out their parents. Their kid comes to the gate, puts on their shoes, and I say, "Hey, buddy/sweetie, where are your parents?" The kid peeks over the gate, surveys the parents sitting on the seats or playing games, and points out their parents. If the parents are playing a game and there's nobody else in Clubhouse, I'll walk them to their parents. Otherwise, I let them go, but I watch them all the way. If they veer off, I'll run and catch them and take them straight to their parents, but otherwise I let them go on their own. If their parents are sitting on a couch, normally they'll wave to me when the kid points, and I send the kid on his/her merry way, and watch them as they're reunited.

Some parents go up and rescue their kids if they get stuck, or they try to coax them down from the outside.

Some parents go in and play with their children (but I'm honestly afraid that some of the rather weightier ones will get wedged in the tight places. I mean, I get scared that I'll get stuck sometimes!).

Most parents sit outside and watch.

If a kid does start screaming, I'll take my flashlight out of my purse and go up to them. I know where they'll be: outside of the rocking tunnel. (It goes back and forth as you go over it, like a teeter-totter would. It terrifies the mess out of some of the children, especially the younger ones.)

I gently coax them across the tunnel, sitting on one side so that it won't shift. I'll take their hands and lead them across, if that's what takes it.

Most of the time, the kids are fine after that. They see the slide and they slide right on down.

Sometimes, they're terrified of the slide, too. Now, this slide is DARK (hence the reason for the flashlight), twisty, and FAST. If they're scared to go down, I'll offer to go down first with my flashlight pointing back at them. Most of the time that's all right. Rarely, the kid will want to go back across the tunnel (with me holding it down, of course) and doesn't want to deal with the slide at all. And that's fine.

Then there are the kids that think that I can go up and play with them at any given moment, because I helped them across once. If it's busy, I can't do that. If I leave my post, people could come in without swiping their cards and I'll catch hell from the managers or the owners, and that wouldn't be a good thing. I NEED this job. I need it so, so badly. I'll tell the kids that I can't go up with them, that I'm sorry, but they need to be big girls/boys and do it by themselves! Normally that works, and they find another kid to go up and play with them (they're fine if they have friends).

If TreeTop is deserted, I'll go up and play with the kid. There was this one little boy a few weeks ago... His mother was pregnant and couldn't climb around with him any more, so I offered to go up with him. He was terrified of the tunnel AND the slide.

I must've gone up and down with him about seven or eight times before he decided that he didn't need me any more. He literally sent me away, and the mother thanked me very much. An older lady who had been sitting nearby watching her granddaughter play in the Clubhouse (the granddaughter was the only other kid in the arcade) came up to me afterwards and said that she thought it was really nice of me to do that, especially since it's not in my job description.

"Aw, it's all right. I really don't mind. It's fun! I used to be terrified of dark slides, so I know how it feels. And besides...I really, really like to slide." 

She smiled and walked away.

Sometimes kids have "accidents" in Clubhouse. The Go Kart guys usually clean that up. One kid peed in the slide a few weeks ago, and the whole thing was shut down for about three hours so Garrett could sanitize it. A few months ago, some kid threw up on the second story, and Garrett and one of the Vitaliks had to clean it up and sanitize it. It's a dangerous place to get sick, that's for sure. No way to clean it up without being extremely cramped and uncomfortable.

So, Clubhouse isn't all that bad. It's good on slow days, because you can wander around, or read your books, or slide down the slide if you wish. On busy days, you're just sitting there, bored out of your mind. It's a hit-and-miss deal most days. I always bring a book, just in case.

Any more questions about Clubhouse? Do you think you'd be all right working this particular station? Do you have something like this at your work? What would you like to see in future installments? More stories, or more about how the place works?